I have a fear of commitment. Most people think of
relationships when they think about fear of commitment, but that is one of the
few areas where I can commit to without a problem. Committing to other things,
especially races, is where my fear seems to rear its ugly head. I am often well
into training before I actually register for the race.
My fear of commitment is really driven by fear of
failing. I feel like I have failed in a number of life areas in the past few
years and if I never actually commit to a race, I can’t fail. Ending up with a
DNF is very scary to me. The rational side of me knows that if you enter enough
races you will probably end up with one at some point, but I am not sure what I
would do if that happens.
Right now I am looking at two races, and I need actually
commit soon or the races will be sold out. The first is the Richmond Half-Marathon in November. Since, I had a great 13-mile run on Sunday, all I
need to do is keep up my training and this race shouldn’t be a problem.
The other race is the Walt Disney World Marathon in
January and this is the one I am really afraid to commit to. I have started
training for this race twice before and failed to ever start the race. The
first time I was sidelined by injuries, and the second time life got in the
way. (I would never recommend trying to train for a marathon while moving
across the country and starting a PhD program.) Now, I am in the best shape of
my adult life, I have been training since May and it is probably the last time
for several years I will be able to do this type of training, but I am still
finding it hard to commit to this race.
